Here ya go ydx7 I saw this and thought you might find this guide a handy little addition to your already impressive reportiore.
Biker
THE BEERDRINKER'S A - Z TROUBLESHOOTING GUIDE
Symtom: Feet cold and wet
Cause: Glass Being held at incorrect angle.
Solution: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling
Symtom: Feet warm and wet
Cause: Improper Bladder Control
Solution: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about lack of house training
Symtom: Beer unusually pale and tasteless
Cause: a. Glass empty.
Cause: b. You're holding a Coors Lite
Solution: Get someone to buy you another beer
Symtom: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights
Cause: You have fallen over backwards.
Solution: Have yourself lashed to bar
Symtom: Mouth contains cigarette butts, back of head covered with ashes
Cause: You have fallen forward
Solution: See above
Symtom: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet
Cause: a. Mouth not open
Cause: b. Glass applied to wrong part of face
Solution: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror
Symtom: Floor Blurred
Cause: You are looking through bottom of empty glass
Solution: Get someone to buy you another beer
Symptom: Floor moving
Cause: You are being carried out
Solution: Find out if you are being taken to another bar
Symtom: Room seems unusually dark
Cause: Bar has closed
Solution: Confirm home address with bartender If staff is gone, grab a six-pack to go and hit the nearest fire escape door. Run
Symtom: Taxi suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures
Cause: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations
Solution: Cover mouth, open window, stick head outside
Symtom: Everyone looks up to you and smiles
Cause: You are dancing on the table
Solution: Fall on someone cushy-looking
Symtom: Beer is crystal-clear
Cause: It's water! Somebody is trying to sober you up
Solution: Punch him
Symtom: People are standing around urinals, talking or putting on makeup
Cause: You're in the ladies' room
Solution: Do not use urinal! It's the sink!! Excuse yourself, exit and try the next door down the hall. Try to get phone numbers (optional)
Symtom: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear
Cause: You have been in a fight
Solution: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them
Symtom: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in
Cause: You've wandered into the wrong party
Solution: See if they have free beer
Symtom: Your bedroom is painted gray, has a concrete floor and an interesting steel door. Toilet may be conveniently located next to your bunk
Cause: a. You're in jail
Cause: b. You're in the navy
Solution: Sleep it off, you can always get out tomorrow. Don't talk to your new roommate, and under no circumstances sleep on your stomach
Symtom: You are dancing to a Village People song, and your partner is wearing leather chaps
Cause: You're in a gay bar
Solution: Keeping your back to the wall, edge toward nearest exit. Do not accept offers for backrubs
Symtom: Your singing sounds distorted
Cause: The beer is too weak
Solution: Have more beer until your voice improves
Symtom: Don't remember the words to the song
Cause: Beer is just right
Solution: Play air guitar
need beer advice
Re: need beer advice
Are we living in a land where sex and horror are the new gods?
My Mad Max T-shirt designs http://www.redbubble.com/people/biker/t-shirts
My Mad Max T-shirt designs http://www.redbubble.com/people/biker/t-shirts
Re: need beer advice
"Two days ago, I saw a vehicle that would haul that tanker. You want to get out of here? You talk to me."
Re: need beer advice
After a long delay, it's that time again. I already bought 3. 2 are relatively common. I will commence drinking tomorrow(Fri).
Also, I will be taking one of my pawn shop/thift store trips. So I may post if I find anything interesting. Or, if any of you here want to read about musical equipment.
Also, I will be taking one of my pawn shop/thift store trips. So I may post if I find anything interesting. Or, if any of you here want to read about musical equipment.
larger than life and twice as ugly
Re: need beer advice
My first beer is Red Stripe lager. This does not have much of the beer taste. Same after 5 min. I just burped and got major nose burn. Same after 10 min. It seems like the beer taste varies by how you drink it. When you get the beer taste, it quickly dissapates in your mouth. Same after 15 min. Same after 20 min.
larger than life and twice as ugly
Re: need beer advice
The second is Bass pale ale. The name makes me wonder if it's going to taste like a fish or a Rickenbacker 4001. It doesn't have that much of a beer taste. It's not thate pale either, unless you're comparing it to something like Guniness. After 5 min, the beer taste occurs when it hits the back of my mouth. It also seems I am getting a bit of a metallic taste. No change after 10 min. No change after 15 min. No change after 20 min.
larger than life and twice as ugly
Re: need beer advice
The final beeris JW Dundee's Original Honey Brown honey flavored lager. It tastes kind of beery. There is no honey taste. Less beer taste after 5 min. Maybe a litte more* after 10 min. I think I'm getting the honey taste only after doing the good old empty mouth swish, but not immediately after taking a sip, and then maybe only after belching. Not much change at 15 and 20 min.
* I think I discovered something. I'll try to type it up tomorrow at work where I have a fully operational keyboard.
* I think I discovered something. I'll try to type it up tomorrow at work where I have a fully operational keyboard.
larger than life and twice as ugly
Re: need beer advice
- I'm finally able to type some stuff up.
My discovery is related to this sentence:
It seems like the beer taste varies by how you drink it.
This is due to the gas in the beer. The way you drink it affects how much of the gas is released as fizz. Since it's been over a week I'm not 100% sure, but I think getting fizz is related to the beery taste. If this is true, maybe with some of the beers, letting them sit lets the gas dissipate and lets the other flavors come through.
My discovery is related to this sentence:
It seems like the beer taste varies by how you drink it.
This is due to the gas in the beer. The way you drink it affects how much of the gas is released as fizz. Since it's been over a week I'm not 100% sure, but I think getting fizz is related to the beery taste. If this is true, maybe with some of the beers, letting them sit lets the gas dissipate and lets the other flavors come through.
larger than life and twice as ugly
Re: need beer advice
I would agree that taste could depend on how you drink it, in that if you put a certain beer in a glass, it will taste different from how it would taste straight out of the can or bottle, but in a subtle way;
But beers do have different tastes; Budweiser will taste like piss, no matter what, (and I've tasted piss, so I know--let's not go into it), and smaller, less mass-produced beers will taste better, just because they have to be better to make it.
But beers do have different tastes; Budweiser will taste like piss, no matter what, (and I've tasted piss, so I know--let's not go into it), and smaller, less mass-produced beers will taste better, just because they have to be better to make it.